The Other Side
January 19, 2025 – The day I made it to the other side…
As I ran down the beach directly into the waves, a glorious child-like energy welled up inside of me. I started laughing and leaping towards the ocean like a carefree child would do – so present, so full of joy that it was just bursting out of me.
As I reached the waves an immense gratitude filled my body. First for Gaia, Source, The Great Mother – All-That-Is, then, for myself. For this human part of me that has been through so much grief, so much trauma, so much pain and she just kept showing up. The part of me that just kept diving into the pain, into the darkness, into the shadow to love and reclaim all of the parts of herself piece by piece. The part of me that just kept showing up and doing the “work”, over and over and over again.
As I laughed and jumped and danced in the waves, it hit me. Like a surprise ending that you were desperately hoping was possible but weren’t quite sure, and too afraid to really believe for fear of disappointment, so you kept it buried inside and had consciously forgotten about it as you just kept moving through the muck, one step at a time. And then it came. A glorious, surprise “announcement” from Source and Higher Wisdom, a deep intuitive knowing that I did it. I made it to the other side.
The other side of the trauma, abuse, addiction, and pain cycle within my family. The other side of a painfully recurring and multi-lifetime trauma loop with my Holy Beloved and within our unified field. And the other side of the most painful year and a half of my life.
As I allowed this knowing to sink in, to really feel it, I felt joy and lightness and freedom and celebration. And so much gratitude that I didn’t give up.
I stood in the waves and did a clearing and releasing prayer for any final pieces and knew that I was at completion with these painful patterns and cycles. I knew that I was finally, fully stepping into the new energetic structure and way of being that I had been working towards and getting glimpses of for so long. That I now embodied it and could live it fully.
As I stood in the waves, I turned my face towards the sun and asked for a blessing of the Highest Light to fill my body, my energy field, my whole being. To seal in the healing and light that was now fully available to me by releasing and healing so much over the past many months.
I felt joy and peace and celebration bursting out of my body as I laughed and smiled and took it all in. As I walked back up the shore to the house I felt fully present, fully connected, and fulfilled at the deepest level.
As I walked into the house I danced and sang and tears of gratitude and joy and celebration welled up within me. And as I cried, the tears moved into sobs of recognition and relief that it was over. I had made it. I did it. Finally.
As flashbacks of the pain and grief and trauma of the last year and a half came forward I sobbed for the part of me who lived it, for the part of me who endured so much. I held space for the younger parts of me who grew up inside this trauma and pain of a different flavor who needed to be re-parented, co-regulated, rescued, and loved back into wholeness through this experience (which is why it was happening – for the deepest healing and holding of previous wounds and trauma patterns, for the former versions of myself so desperately needing to be healed and held and loved). It didn’t need to be so painful. It didn’t need to take so long. But it did because I didn’t fully see and innerstand what was happening outside of my pain and previous wounds that kept getting re-lived.
I had so many layers of deep trauma, armor, programming and conditioning that I kept getting thrown back into the pain and re-experiencing it as I was trying to heal and hold space for it. My deeply hurting inner little girl was in so much pain that it took me a long time to get to her. To get to me. To get through all the layers and into the depths – to go all the way through.
I spent the past year healing and learning and practicing and trying again and again to “get it”, and the past month in what felt like the final “trauma gauntlet” to put it all together into real life practice and solidify all the wisdom that was collected and re-formed.
And it took everything I had to finally move through it; an expanded view of trauma and nervous system healing, a deeper innerstanding of the intelligent design of the body and the innate wisdom we hold within, a miraculous expansion of our relationship with nature and how infinitely held and supported we are, spiritual-somatic healing, energy healing, ceremony, dance, meditation, prayer, sacred sexuality, sound healing, spiritual nutrition, and reconnection to my body, to nature, to Source. I collected pieces of wisdom from many healers and mentors (including myself), and many modalities, and with the help of Higher Wisdom weaved them all together to create the path back home, back to myself.
And what I can see now is that this is not only my journey, it’s our journey. It’s the reason we are here. To stop searching outside of ourselves and to come home within and to who we truly are. To be fully present and available to listen to our bodies as the guide leading us to everything we are and everything we desire. Beyond the programming, beyond the wounds, beyond the paradigms. To remove that which is not us, heal that which has been left behind, armored up and hidden, to see that which disconnects us so that we can be fully here, fully present, fully connected to our bodies, to nature, to Source, and be fully at home inside of ourselves as the infinitely powerful and sacred, Divine souls that we innately are.
Welcome to this journey called life. May you hear the call and allow every step to lead you further home inside of yourself.
And please don’t mis-innerstand, my journey is far from over. There are more layers of trauma and armor to heal, more pieces of my sweet inner girl to collect and love back into wholeness, more programs and patterns to release, more steps on my journey home. As long as we are in these beautiful bodies, we will be walking the path home, becoming more Light, more love, more Divine, and more connected with each step inward.
Now I can see the path clearly and walk forward in connection and flow while holding my sweet inner pieces and humanness with grace and love, for now I fully innerstand the journey I am on and who I truly am.
----------------------
Stay tuned for “The Journey Home”. In the meantime, learn more about the intelligent design of your body and how to start your own journey inwards with this free workshop and somatic experience.
And follow me on Instagram and Somatic Self-Love on YouTube for the latest inspiration, Divine Truth, and healing resources to help you on your own journey home.
